Sunday, May 26, 2013

I'm Back!!!

It has been a very long time since I have posted on my blog. The last thing that I posted I was talking about having a vow renewal and updating on my house and.... well to tell you the truth I don't remember.
I want to fill you in on everything, let you know where I am now, and where I will be going. So...all aboard the roller coaster and get ready for the ride. See you at the end.
First off, we did not have a vow renewal. My husband and I are still together and celebrated 5 years together the 2nd of this month. Inside of having a vow renewal we decided to use that money and try to have a baby. I have had problems in the past so we knew that we would have to have some tests and have many doctor visits. In result we found out that I do not have an ovulation. It was a shock but it answered questions that I had had for many years. Our first step was to start me on a medicine called Clomid. With this medicine you take it on the first day of your menstrual cycle and for 5 days. Then as you know on days 12, 14, 16, and 18 we tried to make a baby. Ha ha don't really know how else to say with then to just say it bluntly. Next, on day 20 I would have to go to the hospital again and have blood drawn to check if ovulation had occurred. 
The first month ovulation had not occurred but on the second month it had. By surprise and with excitement the third month I was pregnant. That was in March 2012. Where we had already had a previous miscarriage 4 years before and I had problems as soon as I found out I made an appointment for an ultrasound and for test. Everything came back normal but because it was so early we didn't get to see much.
On May 7(which is my moms b-day) we got to go back to the doctor for another ultrasound. On this visit we invited our moms to go with us. It was a Mother's Day presents, birthday present for my mom, and anniversary present for us. The one thing that I didn't tell anyone was that we would be hearing the heart beat. It was the best experience I have ever had! I didn't think it could get any better but then I remembered that in a few short weeks we would find out if we were having a girl or a boy.
Right now you probably have a big smile on your face and feel joy in your heart. I am so sorry that I am about to steal that from you. On June 11, 2012, we went to the doctor for just a regular check up. We knew that the baby would look different and that we might even get to see really really tiny fingers. But all that was about to change and every emotion was about to leave my body.
When we started the ultrasound I had my husband video the screen on his phone so we could show my parents when we left. It seemed like she was taking forever and when I looked over she wasn't even looking at the baby but looking and measuring my cyst. I asked her if everything was OK. She told me that she was going to go get my doctor and she was going to talk to me about my cyst. I was freaking out but I remember telling my husband I don't really care about the cyst right now I just want to see the baby. I didn't understand why she didn't look at the cyst last. When the doctor came in she told me that the cyst was getting smaller but wanted to know if I had been feeling any pain or cramps. I let her know that I had not felt any pain or cramps and that I had felt fine. That's when she informed us that our baby was measuring smaller than what it should be and they could not find a heart beat. At that moment my world crashed in front of me. It was like everyone around me was going 100 mph. I could see there mouths moving but no sounds were coming out. I also felt like I was going in slow motion.
I hope that you are still with me. If so, you are probably asking what happened next? What have you found out? What caused all this to happened? To make another long story short. I had a D&C the next day. At the time they couldn't give us any answers to why all this happened. After a few months of dealing with the pain I had some more test done and found out that I have Factor V Leiden disorder. Factor V Leiden is a blood clotting disorder. Now that we have an idea of everything that is going on we know what has to be done. I have to take low dose aspirin everyday to help the blood clotting, I have to take Clomid to get pregnant, and once I am pregnant I will have to take progesterone(either vaginal gel or shots) for the first 3 month(min.). In a few short weeks it will be 1 year since I got the worst news of my life. We are still trying to figure out if right now is the best time to start trying again. I want to start my family and be a mother but I'm scared. Time will tell.
The first few months were kind of bad but I finally got it together and decided to make some changes. We have redone our living room and kitchen at the moment. I will be doing another post about each one in the next few days so I can show you guys some amazing pictures of all the changes. I have a few more small changes in the kitchen but I cant wait to show you guys and then you can be with me for the other changes.
One last things that is new in my life is...I am a Mary Kay consultant.
My best friend had joined and asked if she could give me a facial to help her out for practice. I had been to a few parties before so I knew about the products but of course I was going to help her out. I was in a dark place with only a handful of people that I was close to, no job, and no reason to get up in the morning. Out of all the great reasons she told me about joining the two that really had me thinking hard that this was the path for me were: a great sisterhood and you would be your own boss.
 She was telling me that you would not be alone in your journey even though you would be running your own business. I needed/wanted to be around other people. She was telling me that we would be in a unit and our unit has meetings to get together and talk about upcoming events, challenges for our unit and also company, prizes, and classes. It is called Ladies Night. Just what I was needing. One hour a week to be around other woman, to be dressed up, and best of all to take my mind off of things at home. After going to a few meetings it really helped and I have made some great new friends that I talk to all the time and would be there for any one of them. I have also met some great people from all other states that I have met at conference and other events. How many people can say that they truly love there job and have made true friends.
When I said that I didn't have a job I meant I hadn't had a job in a long time. I have adult ADD. It is something that I have had to deal with about all my life. I can't keep focus very well. I don't really know how to explain it or what to call it other than I get bored really fast. When I have had a job a few jobs in the past and they start out great. I am excited and ready to learn but doing the same thing everyday with no challenge or change just gets to me. I know you are thinking if you did more or was maybe better then you could move up and be challenged more. I'm a very fast learn and do everything that I'm told and expected of me. With me being with Mary Kay it is just so much better. Yes, Mary Kay is a company but that's what I love. It is a company that has structure, gives challenges, and goals to work to but with it being your business you can do what you want. You can make your own goals and challenges: for the week, month, and/or year. You don't have to worry about quotas or a certain amount of sales each month and the best part YOU get to decided when and how long you work. You can work everyday of the week 8 hrs a day, 3-4 days a month, once a month, etc and the best part you don't have to ask anyone and wait to see if it is approved, you can just take the time off. 
  Well, now that I have written what feels like a book, we have came to the end of the ride. I hope that you are still here and will be with me for the rest of my journey through a new "pregnancy" adventure, remodels and projects, Mary Kay, and just everyday life. If you have any questions or comments about anything that I have talked about please let me know. I would love to hear from you and talk with you. Thanks for listening and talk to everyone soon! Have a beautiful day!!