So the last post I wrote was me explaining that I am back and what had been going on with me. Well that was a year ago and between then and now I have so much happen that I had to step away from writing again. I am now back and plan on being better about posting. Hopefully you are still there and will still listen.
The last time I posted I was talking about how We had suffered another miscarriage(my 2nd) and that after that I found out that I have Factor V Leiden Mutation. After taking some much needed time to strengthen my relationship with my husband we decided in April/May 2013 to try again to have a child. If you remember from my previous post they had to put me on Clomid and I was already taking the low dose aspirin for the clots. After months of trying and being stressed in August we decided to take another break. In November, I had the chance to go to Myrtle Beach, SC for a Mary Kay Beach Retreat and invited my mom to go with me for a Mother/Daughter trip. As many of you know if you are having fertility problems, you never really know when your menstrual cycles will come and go. As you probably guessed, I was a few days late when we left for our trip. Our trip was only for 5 days so I told my mom what was going on and if I hadn't started I would take a test when I got home and would call and let my doctor know what was going on. But if you are someone that is trying to get pregnant not knowing eats at you all the time and its all that you can think about so it was really hard for me not to buy a test and just wait. I went to Target and had one in my hands to buy and talked myself out of it. I didn't want to spend all that money for a box of tests to have it tell me "NO!". Also knowing that I was not taking medicine I knew there was no way that I could be pregnant. That was the end of it. Well....
The day we got back I had to meet a few people for Mary Kay deliveries and dinner with a girlfriend. I was close to Wal-mart so I bought one of those 88 cent test and rushed home. Much to my surprise it was a YES!!! I couldn't believe it but my mother said she knew. Of course she did :) Love you mom!!
We went to my first appointment(including my mother) not really knowing what to expect or if we would even get to see anything. We got to see the baby right away but they told us that the baby was measuring a little small but I could be wrong on the dates. I agreed but right then I knew something was wrong and started to prepare myself. You might be thinking that its not something I should be doing or even thinking about. That I need to be positive and think positive. Yes, you are right but something deep down told me something was wrong and I needed to be strong for the others around me. I followed everything the doctors told me. I didn't just give up, I fought! I was put on the prenatal vitamins and still had to take my low dose aspirin as well as progesterone suppositories and lovenox shots in the stomach everyday and I would have to do this the whole 9 months.
The next time we went back to the doctor they told us their was no change and that I was having a miscarriage. It was really hard on my husband and I knew it would be. Yes, it was hard news for me to hear but I knew I had to be strong and help him through this. And so I did. When I was ready I dealt with the pain and had my cry.
There were some other things that happened with the last pregnancy and the doctors that I wasn't happy with and after much thought decided to switch to a different facility. At my first doctor visit they did an ultrasound to look at my ovaries because I told them that I had a cyst when I was pregnant the 2nd time and they checked it twice and no one has looked since. They discovered I have PCOS(Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and Metabolic Syndrome. I still am taking the low dose aspirin and now I am on new medicine for the PCOS. Yes, I will have to take these meds for the rest of my life but knowing what I have, what I have to do to keep myself well, and what I will have to do in the future to get pregnant and have a child seems ok in my book.
Every day is hard. Every day people with fertitlity problems have to get on social media and read about someone that is expecting, see pictures of ultrasounds, and see people playing and celebrating things with there kids. It is hard! We all at some point have cried when seeing them. We all have thought...why them? Just remember you are not alone! We have are ups and downs! We also get upset with other people, especially when they say "Oh it will happen when the time is right". Just remember they don't understand what you are going though inside and out. They might know what the right thing to even say. Just remember they love you and will be there. One good thing about social media is it gives you a way to connect with others that I are going through the same things you are. Find them, reach out to them, ask them your questions. Everyone needs someone else! Even if its just to listen.
I am hear for you as well!!