Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Hi Everyone!!!

So the last post I wrote was me explaining that I am back and what had been going on with me. Well that was a year ago and between then and now I have so much happen that I had to step away from writing again. I am now back and plan on being better about posting. Hopefully you are still there and will still listen. 

The last time I posted I was talking about how We had suffered another miscarriage(my 2nd) and that after that I found out that I have Factor V Leiden Mutation. After taking some much needed time to strengthen my relationship with my husband we decided in April/May 2013 to try again to have a child. If you remember from my previous post they had to put me on Clomid and I was already taking the low dose aspirin for the clots. After months of trying and being stressed in August we decided to take another break. In November, I had the chance to go to Myrtle Beach, SC for a Mary Kay Beach Retreat and invited my mom to go with me for a Mother/Daughter trip. As many of you know if you are having fertility problems, you never really know when your menstrual cycles will come and go. As you probably guessed, I was a few days late when we left for our trip. Our trip was only for 5 days so I told my mom what was going on and if I hadn't started I would take a test when I got home and would call and let my doctor know what was going on. But if you are someone that is trying to get pregnant not knowing eats at you all the time and its all that you can think about so it was really hard for me not to buy a test and just wait. I went to Target and had one in my hands to buy and talked myself out of it. I didn't want to spend all that money for a box of tests to have it tell me "NO!". Also knowing that I was not taking medicine I knew there was no way that I could be pregnant. That was the end of it. Well.... 

The day we got back I had to meet a few people for Mary Kay deliveries and dinner with a girlfriend. I was close to Wal-mart so I bought one of those 88 cent test and rushed home. Much to my surprise it was a YES!!! I couldn't believe it but my mother said she knew. Of course she did :) Love you mom!!  

We went to my first appointment(including my mother) not really knowing what to expect or if we would even get to see anything. We got to see the baby right away but they told us that the baby was measuring a little small but I could be wrong on the dates. I agreed but right then I knew something was wrong and started to prepare myself. You might be thinking that its not something I should be doing or even thinking about. That I need to be positive and think positive. Yes, you are right but something deep down told me something was wrong and I needed to be strong for the others around me. I followed everything the doctors told me. I didn't just give up, I fought! I was put on the prenatal vitamins and still had to take my low dose aspirin as well as progesterone suppositories and lovenox shots in the stomach everyday and I would have to do this the whole 9 months. 

The next time we went back to the doctor they told us their was no change and that I was having a miscarriage. It was really hard on my husband and I knew it would be. Yes, it was hard news for me to hear but I knew I had to be strong and help him through this. And so I did. When I was ready I dealt with the pain and had my cry.

There were some other things that happened with the last pregnancy and the doctors that I wasn't happy with and after much thought decided to switch to a different facility. At my first doctor visit they did an ultrasound to look at my ovaries because I told them that I had a cyst when I was pregnant the 2nd time and they checked it twice and no one has looked since. They discovered I have PCOS(Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and Metabolic Syndrome. I still am taking the low dose aspirin and now I am on new medicine for the PCOS. Yes, I will have to take these meds for the rest of my life but knowing what I have, what I have to do to keep myself well, and what I will have to do in the future to get pregnant and have a child seems ok in my book.   

Every day is hard. Every day people with fertitlity problems have to get on social media and read about someone that is expecting, see pictures of ultrasounds, and see people playing and celebrating things with there kids. It is hard! We all at some point have cried when seeing them. We all have thought...why them? Just remember you are not alone! We have are ups and downs! We also get upset with other people, especially when they say "Oh it will happen when the time is right". Just remember they don't understand what you are going though inside and out. They might know what the right thing to even say. Just remember they love you and will be there. One good thing about social media is it gives you a way to connect with others that I are going through the same things you are. Find them, reach out to them, ask them your questions. Everyone needs someone else! Even if its just to listen.

 I am hear for you as well!!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

I'm Back!!!

It has been a very long time since I have posted on my blog. The last thing that I posted I was talking about having a vow renewal and updating on my house and.... well to tell you the truth I don't remember.
I want to fill you in on everything, let you know where I am now, and where I will be going. So...all aboard the roller coaster and get ready for the ride. See you at the end.
First off, we did not have a vow renewal. My husband and I are still together and celebrated 5 years together the 2nd of this month. Inside of having a vow renewal we decided to use that money and try to have a baby. I have had problems in the past so we knew that we would have to have some tests and have many doctor visits. In result we found out that I do not have an ovulation. It was a shock but it answered questions that I had had for many years. Our first step was to start me on a medicine called Clomid. With this medicine you take it on the first day of your menstrual cycle and for 5 days. Then as you know on days 12, 14, 16, and 18 we tried to make a baby. Ha ha don't really know how else to say with then to just say it bluntly. Next, on day 20 I would have to go to the hospital again and have blood drawn to check if ovulation had occurred. 
The first month ovulation had not occurred but on the second month it had. By surprise and with excitement the third month I was pregnant. That was in March 2012. Where we had already had a previous miscarriage 4 years before and I had problems as soon as I found out I made an appointment for an ultrasound and for test. Everything came back normal but because it was so early we didn't get to see much.
On May 7(which is my moms b-day) we got to go back to the doctor for another ultrasound. On this visit we invited our moms to go with us. It was a Mother's Day presents, birthday present for my mom, and anniversary present for us. The one thing that I didn't tell anyone was that we would be hearing the heart beat. It was the best experience I have ever had! I didn't think it could get any better but then I remembered that in a few short weeks we would find out if we were having a girl or a boy.
Right now you probably have a big smile on your face and feel joy in your heart. I am so sorry that I am about to steal that from you. On June 11, 2012, we went to the doctor for just a regular check up. We knew that the baby would look different and that we might even get to see really really tiny fingers. But all that was about to change and every emotion was about to leave my body.
When we started the ultrasound I had my husband video the screen on his phone so we could show my parents when we left. It seemed like she was taking forever and when I looked over she wasn't even looking at the baby but looking and measuring my cyst. I asked her if everything was OK. She told me that she was going to go get my doctor and she was going to talk to me about my cyst. I was freaking out but I remember telling my husband I don't really care about the cyst right now I just want to see the baby. I didn't understand why she didn't look at the cyst last. When the doctor came in she told me that the cyst was getting smaller but wanted to know if I had been feeling any pain or cramps. I let her know that I had not felt any pain or cramps and that I had felt fine. That's when she informed us that our baby was measuring smaller than what it should be and they could not find a heart beat. At that moment my world crashed in front of me. It was like everyone around me was going 100 mph. I could see there mouths moving but no sounds were coming out. I also felt like I was going in slow motion.
I hope that you are still with me. If so, you are probably asking what happened next? What have you found out? What caused all this to happened? To make another long story short. I had a D&C the next day. At the time they couldn't give us any answers to why all this happened. After a few months of dealing with the pain I had some more test done and found out that I have Factor V Leiden disorder. Factor V Leiden is a blood clotting disorder. Now that we have an idea of everything that is going on we know what has to be done. I have to take low dose aspirin everyday to help the blood clotting, I have to take Clomid to get pregnant, and once I am pregnant I will have to take progesterone(either vaginal gel or shots) for the first 3 month(min.). In a few short weeks it will be 1 year since I got the worst news of my life. We are still trying to figure out if right now is the best time to start trying again. I want to start my family and be a mother but I'm scared. Time will tell.
The first few months were kind of bad but I finally got it together and decided to make some changes. We have redone our living room and kitchen at the moment. I will be doing another post about each one in the next few days so I can show you guys some amazing pictures of all the changes. I have a few more small changes in the kitchen but I cant wait to show you guys and then you can be with me for the other changes.
One last things that is new in my life is...I am a Mary Kay consultant.
My best friend had joined and asked if she could give me a facial to help her out for practice. I had been to a few parties before so I knew about the products but of course I was going to help her out. I was in a dark place with only a handful of people that I was close to, no job, and no reason to get up in the morning. Out of all the great reasons she told me about joining the two that really had me thinking hard that this was the path for me were: a great sisterhood and you would be your own boss.
 She was telling me that you would not be alone in your journey even though you would be running your own business. I needed/wanted to be around other people. She was telling me that we would be in a unit and our unit has meetings to get together and talk about upcoming events, challenges for our unit and also company, prizes, and classes. It is called Ladies Night. Just what I was needing. One hour a week to be around other woman, to be dressed up, and best of all to take my mind off of things at home. After going to a few meetings it really helped and I have made some great new friends that I talk to all the time and would be there for any one of them. I have also met some great people from all other states that I have met at conference and other events. How many people can say that they truly love there job and have made true friends.
When I said that I didn't have a job I meant I hadn't had a job in a long time. I have adult ADD. It is something that I have had to deal with about all my life. I can't keep focus very well. I don't really know how to explain it or what to call it other than I get bored really fast. When I have had a job a few jobs in the past and they start out great. I am excited and ready to learn but doing the same thing everyday with no challenge or change just gets to me. I know you are thinking if you did more or was maybe better then you could move up and be challenged more. I'm a very fast learn and do everything that I'm told and expected of me. With me being with Mary Kay it is just so much better. Yes, Mary Kay is a company but that's what I love. It is a company that has structure, gives challenges, and goals to work to but with it being your business you can do what you want. You can make your own goals and challenges: for the week, month, and/or year. You don't have to worry about quotas or a certain amount of sales each month and the best part YOU get to decided when and how long you work. You can work everyday of the week 8 hrs a day, 3-4 days a month, once a month, etc and the best part you don't have to ask anyone and wait to see if it is approved, you can just take the time off. 
  Well, now that I have written what feels like a book, we have came to the end of the ride. I hope that you are still here and will be with me for the rest of my journey through a new "pregnancy" adventure, remodels and projects, Mary Kay, and just everyday life. If you have any questions or comments about anything that I have talked about please let me know. I would love to hear from you and talk with you. Thanks for listening and talk to everyone soon! Have a beautiful day!!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Im Getting Married....Again!!!

May 2nd, Brandon and I will be married for 3 years. I can't believe its been that long. Brandon and I started dating my Sophomore year of high school, which was 9 years ago. 

So, about the title of this blog. In Dec. 2007 Brandon proposed and I said....YES!! Since we started dating in May we decided to get married in May. Which only gave me 5 months to plan. We it came down to it I couldn't get it done by myself and we didn't have a lot of money. We just decided the easiest way was to just go to the courthouse and have a wedding later on when we had the time to plan everything and had the money to do it. Well the time has come. We have the time since we are not going to have the wedding until May 2012. That will give us a little over a year to get everything done. We also will have the money since, we can save money back and are not in a rush to buy everything. 

Since we are already married, I don't want to have the typical wedding. Brandon and I have already had that, somewhat. I know weddings are celebration of two people getting married and sharing that with friends and family and I want that too but more of the fun and celebrating. Most weddings I have been to you have a ceremony, which I want the typical ceremony. I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and saying our vows. Since we said the repeat vows the 1st time I want us to write our own vows this time(just have to get the hubby on board). When it comes to the reception, you eat, dance, and cut the cake. We will also have that but a little extra.

With that said, the theme of our wedding is:Carnival Theme

I know it sounds weird but we want to have fun and how can you not have fun with a theme like that. I seen some pictures when I was searching and I fell in love but if you knew Brandon you would know that he is hard to please and isn't on board with a lot of my ideas. When I told him the idea I wish I had a camera to take his picture. He was definitely against it but when I showed him the pictures he was on board. 

Below are some of the pictures that I showed him and that I am getting my inspiration from. You will definitely be posted on all the projects and the planning we will be doing in the year. Also, if you run across pictures, items, or anything else that you think can help us or that we need let us know so we can check it out. 

Monday, March 28, 2011

Scenes from the Month of March

My onion plants that I started from seeds. Hopefully it will warm up soon so I can get my raised boxes fix up so my plants can go out.
Woke up and went over to get Shila up and this is how she was sleeping. Crazy lady!!!

What's makes a cold day better?? Turkey chili taco soup! Recipe coming soon.
Before we moved to Kentucky(hints the blue shirt), we lived in Tennessee(hints the Orange Shirt). My dad was born and raised there and we lived there for 12 years after my brother was born. My dad hates Kentucky(the teams not state) and doesn't like anything Kentucky in the house. So whenever Tennessee and Kentucky play we give my dad a hard time. The shirt I have on I found at the Goodwill and I had to buy it. I gave it to my dad for Christmas last year and didn't like it. I figure I would wear it instead.

Ashley and I at her wedding shower
Us girls for her bachelorette party
Brandon and I at Ashley and Steven's Wedding
Their beautiful wedding cake
My bridesmaid flowers and their programs 
The happy and married couple
My baby sleeping with her favorite toy